Alumni in love: Gijs Tol & Tanja van Loon

Gijs Tol (45), studied archaeology (1998-2005), PhD in 2011 at the RUG; associate professor of Roman archaeology at the University of Melbourne, Australia
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Tanja van Loon (42), studied archaeology (2002-2009), PhD in 2017 at the RUG; research assistant at TALY, Australia
Relationship since: Christmas 2003 / married: 8 August 2008 in Italy / children Thommy (14) and Simon (12)

Gijs

'In the summer of 2003, I had gone ahead with a few other senior year students to prepare for the expedition in Nettuno. Two weeks later, the freshmen arrived. That was the first time I saw Tanja. In Groningen, I hadn't seen her walking around yet. I immediately had a crush on her. The first time I spoke to her alone on a deeper level, was during the return journey. I took the other students home in a big yellow rental van, with Tanja being the last. She thought she knew the way, but nothing was right. It took us forever.
At home, I ended my then relationship. Tanja and I started hanging out, with other people there also. It was nice this way because I didn't know if she liked me. That way I could get to know her in a safe setting and also show myself a bit.

I am a rather initiativeless figure in love I'm rather passive when it comes to love. But I did suddenly start going to the institute more often to meet Tanja. One day, we were talking about Christmas. I was nagging that I would be alone. She suggested that I come for dinner at her and her mother's house in Borger on Boxing Day. I thought: it’s probably because she thinks I'm pathetic. But I immediately said yes.
I was carrying a home-baked espresso chocolate cake, one of my first-ever bakes. After a pleasant evening, I missed the bus back. I had to stay over then. However, the spare room was full of boxes; her mother had just moved out. An extra mattress in Tanja's room wouldn't fit, according to Tanja. The only option remained: In bed, with her. Bravely I lay beside her, heart rate 180. I didn't dare do anything. After an hour, Tanja stood up: ‘Are you going to kiss me or what?’

A month later, she moved in with me. We got married in Italy, in a beachfront fortress in the place where we first met. We like the same music and the same films and we have the same humour. That's what I look for in a partner. Someone who is my equal in everything. A companion. Someone you enjoy being around all day. On the points where we differ, Tanja complements me or offers other insights that make my frayed edges disappear somewhat.
My job application in Australia was consensual. It was the best thing for our family. It was not an egocentric step on my part. This doesn't take away from the fact that Tanja sometimes feels that she has lost out, in terms of work and career. I find that hard to see and I did feel guilty about that.'

Tanja

'At the end of my first year of archaeology, in the summer of 2003, I left for fieldwork to Nettuno, on the Italian coast, sixty kilometres south of Rome. The fieldwork itself was not very successful. After six weeks of walking around the fields, the team I was in had found something like six sherds. But for the first time, I was all by myself in another country, with fellow students, doing something we all found interesting. It was a liberating feeling. And then there was Gijs! From the moment I saw him I liked him. I didn't know whether I was in love with him or with life at that moment.

At home, I was dating another Gijs. I knew him from my job at the Albert Heijn supermarket in Borger. In Nettuno, nothing happened between the new Gijs and me. In the period that followed, both of our relationships ended. Gijs and I were often together, without daring to say we liked each other. We circled around each other for a long time. We finally got together at Christmas of 2003. After that, things moved fast. We started living together and already picked a nice date to get married. 8 August 2008. With Gijs, I felt at home immediately. I found him attractive, but I especially liked the fact that I could be completely myself with him.

We share an adventurous spirit. We dare to do things without thinking long and hard about them. We lived in Italy for a few years and travelled abroad with the children, as small as they were. In 2016, we moved to Australia. We had never been there before.
I couldn't do much here with my PhD in Italian archaeology. I did some teaching but that was difficult to combine with the children. I would love to do something close to the community. Preferably library work. I just completed a Master's in that and hope to get a job in a public library. Meanwhile, I analyse data and write reports for a company in the recruitment industry.

I wouldn't want to go back to the Netherlands. I have found my niche here and have made friends. Our children are now real Aussies. We are settled here. We recently bought a house with a little garden in Melbourne. $800K, roughly €600K. A ridiculous price for a two-bedroom cottage. But I'm so happy with it every day! Sometimes I secretly think: Suppose we'd had a closet of a house, we'd all be spread out and we wouldn't be so cosy together all the time. I suspect my children, who share a room, think differently.'